Posted on by Sindhu Vinod Narayan

Parenting – Are you doing it the right way ?

Parenting:

The process of nurturing and supporting the overall development of a child which includes social, emotional, physical and intellectual. Most importantly, it does not stop with the biological relationship. In fact, it extends much more into the intricacies of each phase of human development.

Styles of parenting:

  • Instinctive parenting.
  • Attachment parenting.
  • Helicopter parenting.
  • Authoritative parenting.
  • Permissive parenting.

Instinctive Parenting:

This is the old school method that is being followed for ages. In most families, this is the type of parenting that can be witnessed. You trust your instincts and guide the child. Most probably, you bring up the child in a way that you were brought up by your parents or grandparents.

Attachment parenting:

Attachment parenting primarily is based on developing a strong emotional bond between parent-child. It is believed that strong attachment brings up a good emotional well-being and the child feels secure being brought up by that way. Parents who adopt this style usually are more responsive, I mean quicker to respond to the child’s needs, feelings so that the child is secure. These parents believe in natural birthing, family bed, no punishments and homeschooling.

Helicopter parenting:

This is when there is constant interaction more precisely interference with the child. Parents tend to hover like a helicopter. This type of parenting supposedly makes the child too very dependent on the parent even after they cross certain age.

Authoritative parenting:

This typically is, ‘I gave birth to you, you live on my property, so you follow my rules’ kind. Rules and guidelines are established for children to be followed. This parent is more nurturing and supportive if incase the child fails to meet expectations. Discipline according to then is being confident but not restrain, to nurture rather than reprove.

Permissive parenting

It’s a child’s choice is what the parenting is about. These parents have very few demands and rarely indulge in disciplining the child. More precise being lenient is the most important trait of the parent here. They try to be more a friend than being a parent to the child.

Good and Bad parenting:

Teaching your child, the moral of choosing what is right and wrong is the foundation of good parenting. You can refer more about this is my older article- Teaching your child good and bad choice. The key to good parenting is setting limits and being consistent. We must be firm and also be kind at the same time to make the child follow.

Anything that is negative to the above statements is termed bad parenting.

A series of action, not just one single act which can harm the child’s behavior and psychology is termed bad parenting. This is not always intentional, but this does not console you that the negative effects would lessen. This usually happens when people do not know enough or lack of the need to do it the right way. The hard thing to digest is some people are not aware of what is actually happening and some do not even care.

How do you identify bad parenting?

  1. Scolding the child frequently.
  2. Disciplining in front of other people. This includes grandparents as well.
  3. Constant comparison to other kids.
  4. No attachment or affection
  5. No rules
  6. Lack of support
  7. Advice always and no encouragement
  8. Not giving them choice
  9. Too much pampering
  10. Talking to them in a criticizing tone
  11. NO respect for child’s feeling
  12. Being overprotective of them
  13. Being too busy and not spending time
  14. Setting a bad example

Being a good parent

No parent is perfect. It’s just that we are all trying our best to become one and are still on the way and have a long way up.

Below cues can help you add more skills if you are already one or just the starting point for you to build up to become one.

Be the model. – Don’t keep telling them what to do; Show them how.

  1. Loving them- Show them love, you can be unconditional; there are no limits. Give them a lot of hugs, spend time, listen to them. Too much love doesn’t spoil them.
  2. Positive parenting – Give them a lot of positive vibes and bring them up in such environment. Do not talk about negative stuff.
  3. You’re the rescuer- Let them know you are always there for them and they can always walk up to you to feel safe.
  4. Communicating – This is the key. Talk to them freely, offer solutions, suggest options, give them choices. Listen to what they say to you. DO not out rightly reject immediately when they start.
  5. Reflecting- Most of us try to bring in the way we were brought up with minor changes. This is much like reflecting our childhood.
  6. No spanking- DO not spank your child at any cost. Especially not in front of others. This would make them lower their confidence.

We are unique in our own ways of bringing the child up. It’s just the above categories are grouping o similar behavior that is observed across the world.

34 Replies to “Parenting – Are you doing it the right way ?”

  1. There are different types of parents and styles and all parents are different in teaching and correcting their kids. I like the points in your post, very informative.

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  4. Parenting is a great responsibility as we are nurturing lives. I agree no parent is perfect and I can add here every child is different too so I believe we can’t fix a list a rule for every situation. I believe, parenting should be performed in a balanced way.

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  5. I don’t know whether I am doing right way or not but yes, definitely I am happy to see that kids are learning things which I want them too and that too they are following not because of my fear but by their choice!!

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  8. I absolutely agree with you, Parenting has no form and is a personal choice. We have to alter our ways and tactics depending upon the need and situation. But knowledge of all these styles is also necessary.

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  11. so true, I was judging myself with ur post that i come in good parenting category or bad. helicopter parenting first time read and made me laugh because of its name

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  13. Sindhu, you have very well said in the post that spending time with children will solve most of the concerns. Very well written posts with thought provoking pointers.

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  14. This is such a beautiful and helpful post. Thanks for breaking it down for people to understand. I guess we like somewhere in the middle of good and bad parenting at times and can surely change it.

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  17. Well as an hands on mother of a superctive 4.5 yr old I usually is a combo of both good and parenting points that you have written. Hopefully, I get better as the days progress.

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