Book review of Parenting Tweens

Blurb

The book is an attempt to make parents aware of the pre–teen issues and give them solutions based on my experiences. There is so much literature on parenting babies, toddlers and teens but nothing specific to the tweens. A tween has many different and unique issues than a toddler or a teen.As we all know the pre-teen years are the foundational years for a person that prepares him /her for his /her life. A healthy, stable and disciplined foundation sets a child to take on life, studies and society in rightful manner. This is the age when the child starts to become independent. S/he wants to take independent decisions and wants to make choices, whether it is dress to wear or the food to eat. This is the age when a strong bond is required between a child and the parents and age-appropriate freedom should be encouraged.

My thoughts on the book

Parenting would encompass all age groups of children but we predominantly come across people talking only about newborn, toddler and teenagers.


The word ‘tween’ might sound new to many and can even see a lot of raised eyebrows because it isn’t much commonly used across not until the present says.
It is high time that we start talking about the age group that is between 10&12 and discuss the changes that happen along.


Jyoti’ s book would come as a handbook to many parents and make them understand that it’s not that their children are behaving differently but it’s natural because of the changes they undergo and how we should be handling them. It is this age that we parents require patience to understand what’s happening and in return handle them with love. It is this time that we do not react because we feel they are acting as if they know much of the World around and understand that it’s the inner self letting them want to explore the limits of their independence.


The book has 23 chapters that discuss all about the preteen age that needs attention. Right from the way to connect , to how to deal with issues ranging from mental health to food the covers it all.


Each chapter is carefully crafted to address what’s the title line in a crisp manner. Keeping in mind that this is also the age that they get a lot of social media exposure, Jyoti has also included a chapter that specifically talks about Cyberbullying and what its effects are.


Peer pressure and stress is the most common issues that spoke up during this age group and they need to be carefully analysed before getting to any solutions or conclusion.Peer pressure can be positive or negative and I was glad that the author chose to address both in the book.


Delayed gratification is something that does wonder in parenting, though it’s good to start in early ages it’s utmost value is realised only when we see our kids in the preteen age group.


Disciplining the kids during this age group is necessary but also requires certain strategies that need to be carefully done. The author breaks those into crisp pointers that makes it easy for parents to understand and act accordingly.


I love how every chapter ends with a brief conclusion section that summarises the chapter in toto.

About the Author

Jyoti Kaur, is an architect, who is also following her passion for writing and blogging. She is a
proud daughter, and strives to be a supermom.
From working actively in a design firm full-time, to now getting the privilege to work part-
time from home, Jyoti never missed the experience of each little phase of parenting. She
has enjoyed every moment of being a mother and her parenting journey has been incredible
as she’s now more like a friend to her daughter, than a mother.
She loves to share her parenting journey on her blog Mom Captures Life with all the new
moms out there, and her experiences as a mother is something which every new mother
can relate to! She also captures snippets of her life related to Parenting, Travel and Lifestyle
in her blogs. She shares useful tips, product reviews, her travelling experiences and
expresses her views on health, education and lifestyle.

How to raise an independent toddler ?

Not recently that I noticed my son stepping up for each and every thing mentioning that ‘i want to’ . Though he hasn’t started speaking fluently, the gibberish babble of saying and showing that he wants to do it by himself gave me a lot of thoughts.

Wanting to do everything what the adults do , including disciplining the sibling the way we do made me look at him in awe. Kids these days keep looking at you every second I say.

The desire to be independent is something that I found so adorable and at the same time exhausting as I was losing my cool very often. Though I do understand that it is our duty to raise self sufficient adults like we are.

At the same time it feels kind of scary when they take risks which I feel they are not ready yet. The mother instinct in me, one time wanted to let him try and on the other end getting tensed that don’t let him.

As a result, it did make the day longer and I knew that folding a cloth would now take ten minutes or even putting away the plate after eating.

The child’s independence is letting go of the stage in childhood. That is where realisation kicks in hard saying that they’re growing up and then there is. No going back.

So how do you encourage your toddler to be independent

Not holding them back

You always begin where you tend to hold them back, embrace their decision to do things on their own. Guide and coach then but do not hold them back and tell them there is a time to learn doing this.

This could start with them wearing shoes. Though it takes forever, I don’t think you should hurry up here. Your hands might itch to get there and get it done, but stay back and let them do it.

Show them, do together, monitor and leave them alone

Them wanting to do a task above comfort level can be scary. But what do you do when they insist on doing it.

Think whether it is age appropriate. Start by showing how it is done, proceed to doing it with them together, go ahead with monitoring when they do and help them if they get stuck and lastly let them try it alone.

You can start this by making them prepare their snack , making their bed or folding clothes.

Though the process is time consuming the end result it gives is your child being independent. It all starts with the kid watching when you do it and ends with them doing it on their own without needing your help.

Letting them do things their way

Micro management is something that nobody likes not even your toddler . You should not only embrace their decision to do things on their own but also do it in their own way.

All of us are different people in having our thinking process and our own preferences. Give them the freedom to do things their way rather than having them copy our style.

Do not help them in their struggle

Any mom doesn’t like their kid struggling. Nobody likes to see the disappointed look on their face it the anger that’s going to be building up after the failure.

When you attempt to help them it is going to be harmful for them in future. They come to a conclusion that we think they aren’t cut out for the tasks. They have the easy way to sense our doubts instead of our support in them.

In fact they wil learn much more when they fail than they learn when we step in and help them out. They also get the message that it’s okay to give up when something gets hard.

Nurture their independence letting them struggle. They will see the obstacles as challenges and find ways to come out of it.

Accomodating their independence

Having my daughter express her wish to help me in kitchen wasn’t the most efficient use of time. I realised that rather than being grateful that I’m having help ,I was more tensed if I will be able to finish cooking within the time.

But instead of saying no, I made a change. Rather than hurrying up the process , I made sure I had enough time before dinner preparation so that she could chip in and help me out.

In this way it can make them work on their own pace and keep us free from feeling the rush. You can also try this if they want to dress up themselves or pack their own lunch boxes.

We can avoid power struggles by not butt heading with them, during our routines and instead take into account their need for extra time they need to practice to do things on their own and in their own way.

Parenting trends to embrace 2022

March 2020, the whole world came to a standstill. Whether for us elders it was a jolt though our interactions were still happening and we were understandable of the current situation, the kids were the most affected.

The indirect impact and it’s collateral damage on the kids was something huge. Loss of social life, online classes, assignments, parents inability to spend time since they were juggling schedules due to work from home, absence of playground activities the damage that was done is immeasurable.

The current challenge that children face require changes in the way we parent due to the demands in parent – child bringing up and to keep up with changing times.

With schools also opening doors it’s time we make changes and help children get back their joy of life.

Talking about trauma

Children lacked communication with extended family amd friends because it was cut off. Being lonely and feeling depressed was something we wish kids hadn’t been exposed to, but sadly had to. This year schools and homes should strongly emphasize on rebuilding this sense of bonding , friendship and awakening the community by providing them support consistently which they lacked. Emotional and mental well being should be widely discussed and be the centred topic in. 2022.

Making internet a safe place

The pandemic made us more dependant on the virtual space.. The internet became our friend, neighbour and our go to for everything. The kids also had to spend more time online which couldn’t be avoided but also had chances of being misused or cannot be a safer place for them. We should take up responsibility of making it a safer place but also make their time on internet useful.

Gifting experiences over money

Children love and would often have a reminder of experiences than the tangible things. Gifting them an experience will leave both the parent and the child a memory of the experience and the time they spent to curate one. Maybe a room makeover for them performing well, involving them in helping you choose decor or even paint can be a wonder experience.

Saying no to gender stereotypes or being gender neutral

Raising children by not forcing them to conform to gender rules. Let’s say no to pink. for girls and blue for boys. Boys can cry and girls can repair bikes, no differentiating wheels and heels, there is no space for gender bias. This will boost the child’s self-esteem and self awareness. This will also make them aware of an inclusive society.

Listening to them

The most important aspect of parent child bond is listening which also helps in strengthening it. The child is curious and might often come to you with questions, ideas, suggestions. Take time however busy you might be to sit down and listen to them. They would sometimes need help in communication, this will help us decipher what they want to convey and why they aren’t able to. This makes the bond more friendly and more approachable for them.

Now tell me have you started making changes in the way. How has your experiences been? I’d love to know.

Review of Active parenting

BLURB:

What do you want your child to be?
There is no one way to raise a child. Each child is unique and can vary in so many ways in abilities and behaviour from others in their group. Ramgopal Vallath, indebted to his own parents for an upbringing that has helped him overcome great challenges and difficulties, set out to meet numerous parents to work out some common guidelines that could help groom a child. This book is the result. As with his previous bestselling book, From Ouch to Oops, this too is bound to reach out and move its readers, and leave lessons of lasting use in what is one of the most important tasks a parent undertakes: raising a child to be a healthy, resilient, positive adult.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:


Ramgopal Vallath, better known as RamG Vallath, is an IITian, a tech company co-founder, a much sought-after motivational speaker and the author of the best-selling autobiography From Ouch to Oops. He has inspired over 50,000 children with his talks and his life story is a chapter in one of the eighth-class textbooks for CBSE students. As a keynote speaker, RamG has addressed over one lakh people across the globe and helped them become more resilient, more positive, happier and more successful.

REVIEW:


Parenting being one of the niches I blog about doesn’t mean I know A-Z of everything that relates to parenting. I’m sure that the author would also agree to this. Because for us parents, each day is a learning and there is a lesson to look back, introspect and gain something from what happens each day.
This learning I would say wouldn’t always be something that I would smile and be proud of because there are days that would kill you with guilt and self-doubt. What I write might work for 9/10 kids but not one. Why? Because each child is different and they need a different way to handle and to be taken care of.

Being a mom of two I can confidently say that I’m not using the same way of parenting to my younger son in comparison to how I raised my daughter. A matter of three years and boom there is a lot of changes in how children react or what they expect. What do I do? Continue to do what I knew? No, I find new ways to see what suits better for me and son.
This is exactly what the Author conveys in the book. Not every child fall into the same group. The book showcase techniques to approach and values to be instilled in children. The best gift that I’d say we can give our children would be values that are to be taught which would help them at any point in their life.
Though I spent very little time with my Grandparents, there are specific nuances that I learnt or should I say life lessons to how to deal or how to decide now. I can even use them at a later point of time in my life. These I’d say are the values that are passed on. They cannot be outdated. People just come up with new ways to instil the values that we know of earlier. I don’t think there is anything wrong because in the end the value is taught.

As I read through, I saw myself at few places

“That is what great parents do-they live on for centuries after their physical selves depart, through the thoughts and values that they have bequeathed to their children. Their influence is boundless across generations”. As I mentioned above, I’m grateful for the very little time that I spent for lifetime of knowledge.

Befriend but with firm boundaries – The less you say no, the more free-spirited your kids will be.

Telling by showing- The values children display are often a reflection of the values that parents demonstrate. 

The real-life experiences that the author has shared from his and his circle of friends will definitely make you nod your head, or smile or at least question yourself like’ isn’t that me?’ Only when you know examples from real life it makes it much clearer to understand what is being conveyed or what must be observed and taken as a lesson.

Just mentioning that these are techniques, these are values are only going to be giving you a theory which would land you in a dilemma. But here the author makes it easier for you.
The key points section at the end of each chapter is a bonus. With a 200+ page book, the author will definitely lead you to the right direction when it comes to parenting. The language used is simple and much easier to comprehend.

Takeaways in bullets about what you can expect after reading the book

SHARP technique that proves effective parenting.
5 approaches to look in parenting
Fundamental principles children should be taught
Values to be instilled in children

I’d definitely recommend this book as a gift we parents can get ourselves and also to fellow parents.

#BlogchatterA2Z Q what to and what not to teach your toddler

Happy Monday folks. Let’s start this week with positive vibes and spread them across. Q as an alphabet has very few words, so let’s take a look at the traits Q has.

What to teach

Qualified – A person is termed as qualified when they are identified or recognised to be trained for a particular job. It means they got the particular position and are eligible.

Quiet – A person is termed quiet when they are calm or silent. It’s a positive trait that would be loved by all. Their silence would make other people talk a lot and reveal more about themselves which is an advantage.

What not to teach

Quarrelsome – A person is termed quarrelsome if they’re quick to pick up a fight or an argument. This should be corrected at early ages to avoid future troubles.

Quick tempered – A person is quick tempered when they’re easily made to get angry. They can’t stand anything and shoot up with anger. Their tolerance is pretty low that makes them react that way.

Quitter – A person is termed a quitter if they give up very easily. Such people have very less confidence and need to be motivated frequently.

My post for today is really short. I could think of only these qualities and sonic you do find anymore that you feel I should add please feel free to comment.

#BlogchatterA2Z P what to and what not to teach your toddler

Hello there people we’re almost there and this is the end of third week before we head for the Sunday break. Make sure you spend it wise and gear up for a new start next week. Let’s take a look at the traits in P.

What to teach

Patient – A person is termed as patient who accepts or tolerates delay. They are not easily annoyed or anxious. They remain calm.and bear any provocation.

Persistent – A person who continues firmly with an option or an action. They are determined to achieve their goals without any motivation. It gives them a lot of hope. Such people refuse to give up easily.

Punctual – A person is termed to be punctual when they perform things at agreed or proper time. Such people complete tasks before or at the appropriate time. It leads to a lot of achievement. Such people are well respected and are welcomed. It makes them reliable and a trustworthy person.

Passionate – A person is termed passionate when they have strong beliefs. They are more dedicated and strongly inclined towards what they want to pursue.

Persevering – A person is termed to be persevering if they continue with their action inspite of the delay or difficulty in achieving. They keep trying against all odds and obstacles. Such people are determined and are sure to succeed in whatever they do.

Practical – A person is termed to be practical of they are very much concerned about the actual execution rather than believing in theoretical approach. They take decisions based on logic rather than emotions.

What not to teach

Peevish – A person is termed as peevish when they are ill-tempered. They exhibit annoyance or bad mood very often.

Pernicious – A person is termed pernicious when their actions cause harm or hurt.

Pessimistic – A person is termed pessimistic when they always expect the worst turn over of events. They believe that bad things are more likely to happen.

Presumptuous– A person is termed presumptuous when act rudely due to over confidence. They are known to exhibit less respect by doing things they aren’t supposed to.

Let’s take a break tomorrow and see you all on Monday.

#BlogchatterA2Z O what to and what not to teach your toddler

We’re almost into the end of third week, so let’s keep the momentum going.. Let’s take a look at traits in O before we head to the much nee

What to teach

Obedient – A person who is complying to an order. Such people do as they are told, follow instructions perfectly. Parents would be proud of their kids and kids would always stay out of trouble if they are obedient.

Observant – A person who is quick to notice things. They are known to pay a lot of attention and are usually alert. It’s a natural human instinct that’s helpful to make you competitive in this world. Such people have good control over their emotions and have a great ability to estimate and discriminate.

Optimistic – A person who is always hopeful and confident. They are always confident of favourable outcomes. Such people are usually self motivated and bring in a lot of positivity. They always look at the bright side of negative event.

Organized – A person who plans efficiently. Such people do things in a systematic manner. They plan systematic approaches to any problem they face.

Outgoing – A person is termed outgoing if they are usually casual and socially confident. They are usually friendly, warm and welcome in any gathering.

Outspoken – A person is termed outspoken, if they are confident of expressing their opinion. They are known to express their opinion directly or candidly.

What not to teach

Oddball – A person is termed oddball when they behave in a strange and an eccentric manner. They usually have unusual behaviour or habits.

Obsessive – A person is termed obsessive when people are very interested about something that they lose control over their feelings.

Obstinate – A person who is stubborn to change one’s opinion. They are so determined so as to not change the opinion they initially proposed.

Obstructionist – A person who constantly makes attempts to destroy an ongoing event. They make it difficult or impossible for the events to occur as planned.

Let’s meet again tomorrow with a new set of traits and until then if you think I missed out any please feel free to add them to comments.

#BlogchatterA2Z N what to teach and what not to teach your toddler

Hello people hope you’re doing good and keeping yourself occupied working, managing home and the kids. More power and strength to all us and I’m sure we can get through this. Let’s see the traits in N which we would want to teach the kids and which we shouldn’t encourage.

What to teach

Neat – A person is termed neat when they are well-groomed and tidy. The person is usually cool and well liked by others.

Noble – A person who shows fine qualities and moral principles. Such people are usually known for their honesty and charity. They are usually not selfish and are well respected. Such people are always looked up to and welcomed.

Noteworthy– A person who deserves attention is called noteworthy. They do deeds that are worthy of noting.

What not to teach

Name dropper – A name dropper is someone who always uses famous personalities names to pretend that he/she knows about them just for the sake of impressing others. They are severely insecure about their own image and use this tactic to impress.

Nagging person – A person is termed to be nagging when he / she constantly harasses others to do something. They don’t ask them to do rather they just keep telling them to do it. They resort to annoying the other person telling them to do something , or keep complaining.

Narrow minded – A person is termed narrow minded when they are unwilling to listen and tolerate others views. Such people do not socialise well. They are always known for pinpointing. They are usually judgemental and are not open to new ideas.

Let’s meet again tomorrow for a new set of traits.

#BlogchatterA2Z M what to and what not to teach your toddler

We’re almost halfway through the challenge. I never thought I could seriously write till now, given that baby number two can be expected anytime. I’m still keeping my fingers crossed and write till I can. The thirteenth letter M has a lot of commendable traits right from majestic to mannerly. Let’s take a look at them in detail.

What to teach

Mannerly – A person is prescribed to be mannerly when they are polite in their approach. This much be practiced from early childhood. Saying please, thank you, sorry and excuse me are simple words which we could teach them to practice being polite in their approach. This practice must begin at home and slowly could be taken socially.

Merciful – A person who shows mercy and is compassionate towards other human beings. This is especially evidently seen when they show mercy on people whom they would want to punish.

Methodical – A person who is periodical and systematic in their approach or behaviour is termed methodical. They pay careful attention to details and do things precisely.

Munificent – A person who is characterized by great generosity. Such people are very liberal in giving. They are greatly known to be good donors.

What not to teach

Mischievous – A person is termed mischievous who causes harmless tricks or trouble. It is not intended to cause harm . They make pranks and aren’t serious.

Manipulative – A person who exercises unscrupulous influence over people. Such a person tries to control situation according to their own will and wish.

Mannerless – A person who is impolite and ungracious is termed mannerless. They usually exhibit bad manners and are not punctual.

Mythomaniac – A person who is known for exorbitant lies and exaggeration. They are usually not welcome in a gathering.

If you have any more traits please do let me know in comments. Meet you tomorrow to discuss traits in N.

#BlogchatterA2Z I what to and what not to teach your toddler

Let’s learn about what and what not to teach your toddler’s in the letter I.

What to teach

Idealist – A person who envisions an ideal world rather than the real world. Though they might sound impractical, they strive hard to attain the perfection to make the world a better place. It can make you pursue the best way rather than the real way to achieve the goal.

Imaginative – is a person who shows creativeness and inventive. A person who has an ability to develop a unique solution to a problem. Such people come up with good stories or songs.

Impartial – A person who is impartial treats everyone equally. They give a fairly equal solution rather than taking sides.

Ingenious – A person who is clever and intelligent. It cannot be deemed as higher level of intelligence but termed as clever. These people show an unusual aptitude for discovering.

Irritable – A person is termed irritable when their temper is easily disturbed. They can be easily annoyed or made angry.

Irresponsible – A person is termed irresponsible when he/ she does not show any sign of being responsible. They always forget to do what I is entrusted upon them .

Insecure – A person who is insecure would mean that someone who is not confident . They would not feel good about themselves and would rather feel sorry when others look at them.

Impatient– People who are impatient have the tendency to be easily annoyed and disturbed. They usually cannot tolerate any delay .

Let’s meet again tomorrow for a new set of traits.