Tag: parenting style

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How to raise an independent toddler ?

Not recently that I noticed my son stepping up for each and every thing mentioning that ‘i want to’ . Though he hasn’t started speaking fluently, the gibberish babble of saying and showing that he wants to do it by himself gave me a lot of thoughts.

Wanting to do everything what the adults do , including disciplining the sibling the way we do made me look at him in awe. Kids these days keep looking at you every second I say.

The desire to be independent is something that I found so adorable and at the same time exhausting as I was losing my cool very often. Though I do understand that it is our duty to raise self sufficient adults like we are.

At the same time it feels kind of scary when they take risks which I feel they are not ready yet. The mother instinct in me, one time wanted to let him try and on the other end getting tensed that don’t let him.

As a result, it did make the day longer and I knew that folding a cloth would now take ten minutes or even putting away the plate after eating.

The child’s independence is letting go of the stage in childhood. That is where realisation kicks in hard saying that they’re growing up and then there is. No going back.

So how do you encourage your toddler to be independent

Not holding them back

You always begin where you tend to hold them back, embrace their decision to do things on their own. Guide and coach then but do not hold them back and tell them there is a time to learn doing this.

This could start with them wearing shoes. Though it takes forever, I don’t think you should hurry up here. Your hands might itch to get there and get it done, but stay back and let them do it.

Show them, do together, monitor and leave them alone

Them wanting to do a task above comfort level can be scary. But what do you do when they insist on doing it.

Think whether it is age appropriate. Start by showing how it is done, proceed to doing it with them together, go ahead with monitoring when they do and help them if they get stuck and lastly let them try it alone.

You can start this by making them prepare their snack , making their bed or folding clothes.

Though the process is time consuming the end result it gives is your child being independent. It all starts with the kid watching when you do it and ends with them doing it on their own without needing your help.

Letting them do things their way

Micro management is something that nobody likes not even your toddler . You should not only embrace their decision to do things on their own but also do it in their own way.

All of us are different people in having our thinking process and our own preferences. Give them the freedom to do things their way rather than having them copy our style.

Do not help them in their struggle

Any mom doesn’t like their kid struggling. Nobody likes to see the disappointed look on their face it the anger that’s going to be building up after the failure.

When you attempt to help them it is going to be harmful for them in future. They come to a conclusion that we think they aren’t cut out for the tasks. They have the easy way to sense our doubts instead of our support in them.

In fact they wil learn much more when they fail than they learn when we step in and help them out. They also get the message that it’s okay to give up when something gets hard.

Nurture their independence letting them struggle. They will see the obstacles as challenges and find ways to come out of it.

Accomodating their independence

Having my daughter express her wish to help me in kitchen wasn’t the most efficient use of time. I realised that rather than being grateful that I’m having help ,I was more tensed if I will be able to finish cooking within the time.

But instead of saying no, I made a change. Rather than hurrying up the process , I made sure I had enough time before dinner preparation so that she could chip in and help me out.

In this way it can make them work on their own pace and keep us free from feeling the rush. You can also try this if they want to dress up themselves or pack their own lunch boxes.

We can avoid power struggles by not butt heading with them, during our routines and instead take into account their need for extra time they need to practice to do things on their own and in their own way.

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Review of Active parenting

BLURB:

What do you want your child to be?
There is no one way to raise a child. Each child is unique and can vary in so many ways in abilities and behaviour from others in their group. Ramgopal Vallath, indebted to his own parents for an upbringing that has helped him overcome great challenges and difficulties, set out to meet numerous parents to work out some common guidelines that could help groom a child. This book is the result. As with his previous bestselling book, From Ouch to Oops, this too is bound to reach out and move its readers, and leave lessons of lasting use in what is one of the most important tasks a parent undertakes: raising a child to be a healthy, resilient, positive adult.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:


Ramgopal Vallath, better known as RamG Vallath, is an IITian, a tech company co-founder, a much sought-after motivational speaker and the author of the best-selling autobiography From Ouch to Oops. He has inspired over 50,000 children with his talks and his life story is a chapter in one of the eighth-class textbooks for CBSE students. As a keynote speaker, RamG has addressed over one lakh people across the globe and helped them become more resilient, more positive, happier and more successful.

REVIEW:


Parenting being one of the niches I blog about doesn’t mean I know A-Z of everything that relates to parenting. I’m sure that the author would also agree to this. Because for us parents, each day is a learning and there is a lesson to look back, introspect and gain something from what happens each day.
This learning I would say wouldn’t always be something that I would smile and be proud of because there are days that would kill you with guilt and self-doubt. What I write might work for 9/10 kids but not one. Why? Because each child is different and they need a different way to handle and to be taken care of.

Being a mom of two I can confidently say that I’m not using the same way of parenting to my younger son in comparison to how I raised my daughter. A matter of three years and boom there is a lot of changes in how children react or what they expect. What do I do? Continue to do what I knew? No, I find new ways to see what suits better for me and son.
This is exactly what the Author conveys in the book. Not every child fall into the same group. The book showcase techniques to approach and values to be instilled in children. The best gift that I’d say we can give our children would be values that are to be taught which would help them at any point in their life.
Though I spent very little time with my Grandparents, there are specific nuances that I learnt or should I say life lessons to how to deal or how to decide now. I can even use them at a later point of time in my life. These I’d say are the values that are passed on. They cannot be outdated. People just come up with new ways to instil the values that we know of earlier. I don’t think there is anything wrong because in the end the value is taught.

As I read through, I saw myself at few places

“That is what great parents do-they live on for centuries after their physical selves depart, through the thoughts and values that they have bequeathed to their children. Their influence is boundless across generations”. As I mentioned above, I’m grateful for the very little time that I spent for lifetime of knowledge.

Befriend but with firm boundaries – The less you say no, the more free-spirited your kids will be.

Telling by showing- The values children display are often a reflection of the values that parents demonstrate. 

The real-life experiences that the author has shared from his and his circle of friends will definitely make you nod your head, or smile or at least question yourself like’ isn’t that me?’ Only when you know examples from real life it makes it much clearer to understand what is being conveyed or what must be observed and taken as a lesson.

Just mentioning that these are techniques, these are values are only going to be giving you a theory which would land you in a dilemma. But here the author makes it easier for you.
The key points section at the end of each chapter is a bonus. With a 200+ page book, the author will definitely lead you to the right direction when it comes to parenting. The language used is simple and much easier to comprehend.

Takeaways in bullets about what you can expect after reading the book

SHARP technique that proves effective parenting.
5 approaches to look in parenting
Fundamental principles children should be taught
Values to be instilled in children

I’d definitely recommend this book as a gift we parents can get ourselves and also to fellow parents.

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#BlogchatterA2Z Q what to and what not to teach your toddler

Happy Monday folks. Let’s start this week with positive vibes and spread them across. Q as an alphabet has very few words, so let’s take a look at the traits Q has.

What to teach

Qualified – A person is termed as qualified when they are identified or recognised to be trained for a particular job. It means they got the particular position and are eligible.

Quiet – A person is termed quiet when they are calm or silent. It’s a positive trait that would be loved by all. Their silence would make other people talk a lot and reveal more about themselves which is an advantage.

What not to teach

Quarrelsome – A person is termed quarrelsome if they’re quick to pick up a fight or an argument. This should be corrected at early ages to avoid future troubles.

Quick tempered – A person is quick tempered when they’re easily made to get angry. They can’t stand anything and shoot up with anger. Their tolerance is pretty low that makes them react that way.

Quitter – A person is termed a quitter if they give up very easily. Such people have very less confidence and need to be motivated frequently.

My post for today is really short. I could think of only these qualities and sonic you do find anymore that you feel I should add please feel free to comment.

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#BlogchatterA2Z P what to and what not to teach your toddler

Hello there people we’re almost there and this is the end of third week before we head for the Sunday break. Make sure you spend it wise and gear up for a new start next week. Let’s take a look at the traits in P.

What to teach

Patient – A person is termed as patient who accepts or tolerates delay. They are not easily annoyed or anxious. They remain calm.and bear any provocation.

Persistent – A person who continues firmly with an option or an action. They are determined to achieve their goals without any motivation. It gives them a lot of hope. Such people refuse to give up easily.

Punctual – A person is termed to be punctual when they perform things at agreed or proper time. Such people complete tasks before or at the appropriate time. It leads to a lot of achievement. Such people are well respected and are welcomed. It makes them reliable and a trustworthy person.

Passionate – A person is termed passionate when they have strong beliefs. They are more dedicated and strongly inclined towards what they want to pursue.

Persevering – A person is termed to be persevering if they continue with their action inspite of the delay or difficulty in achieving. They keep trying against all odds and obstacles. Such people are determined and are sure to succeed in whatever they do.

Practical – A person is termed to be practical of they are very much concerned about the actual execution rather than believing in theoretical approach. They take decisions based on logic rather than emotions.

What not to teach

Peevish – A person is termed as peevish when they are ill-tempered. They exhibit annoyance or bad mood very often.

Pernicious – A person is termed pernicious when their actions cause harm or hurt.

Pessimistic – A person is termed pessimistic when they always expect the worst turn over of events. They believe that bad things are more likely to happen.

Presumptuous– A person is termed presumptuous when act rudely due to over confidence. They are known to exhibit less respect by doing things they aren’t supposed to.

Let’s take a break tomorrow and see you all on Monday.

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#BlogchatterA2Z O what to and what not to teach your toddler

We’re almost into the end of third week, so let’s keep the momentum going.. Let’s take a look at traits in O before we head to the much nee

What to teach

Obedient – A person who is complying to an order. Such people do as they are told, follow instructions perfectly. Parents would be proud of their kids and kids would always stay out of trouble if they are obedient.

Observant – A person who is quick to notice things. They are known to pay a lot of attention and are usually alert. It’s a natural human instinct that’s helpful to make you competitive in this world. Such people have good control over their emotions and have a great ability to estimate and discriminate.

Optimistic – A person who is always hopeful and confident. They are always confident of favourable outcomes. Such people are usually self motivated and bring in a lot of positivity. They always look at the bright side of negative event.

Organized – A person who plans efficiently. Such people do things in a systematic manner. They plan systematic approaches to any problem they face.

Outgoing – A person is termed outgoing if they are usually casual and socially confident. They are usually friendly, warm and welcome in any gathering.

Outspoken – A person is termed outspoken, if they are confident of expressing their opinion. They are known to express their opinion directly or candidly.

What not to teach

Oddball – A person is termed oddball when they behave in a strange and an eccentric manner. They usually have unusual behaviour or habits.

Obsessive – A person is termed obsessive when people are very interested about something that they lose control over their feelings.

Obstinate – A person who is stubborn to change one’s opinion. They are so determined so as to not change the opinion they initially proposed.

Obstructionist – A person who constantly makes attempts to destroy an ongoing event. They make it difficult or impossible for the events to occur as planned.

Let’s meet again tomorrow with a new set of traits and until then if you think I missed out any please feel free to add them to comments.

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#BlogchatterA2Z N what to teach and what not to teach your toddler

Hello people hope you’re doing good and keeping yourself occupied working, managing home and the kids. More power and strength to all us and I’m sure we can get through this. Let’s see the traits in N which we would want to teach the kids and which we shouldn’t encourage.

What to teach

Neat – A person is termed neat when they are well-groomed and tidy. The person is usually cool and well liked by others.

Noble – A person who shows fine qualities and moral principles. Such people are usually known for their honesty and charity. They are usually not selfish and are well respected. Such people are always looked up to and welcomed.

Noteworthy– A person who deserves attention is called noteworthy. They do deeds that are worthy of noting.

What not to teach

Name dropper – A name dropper is someone who always uses famous personalities names to pretend that he/she knows about them just for the sake of impressing others. They are severely insecure about their own image and use this tactic to impress.

Nagging person – A person is termed to be nagging when he / she constantly harasses others to do something. They don’t ask them to do rather they just keep telling them to do it. They resort to annoying the other person telling them to do something , or keep complaining.

Narrow minded – A person is termed narrow minded when they are unwilling to listen and tolerate others views. Such people do not socialise well. They are always known for pinpointing. They are usually judgemental and are not open to new ideas.

Let’s meet again tomorrow for a new set of traits.

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#BlogchatterA2Z I what to and what not to teach your toddler

Let’s learn about what and what not to teach your toddler’s in the letter I.

What to teach

Idealist – A person who envisions an ideal world rather than the real world. Though they might sound impractical, they strive hard to attain the perfection to make the world a better place. It can make you pursue the best way rather than the real way to achieve the goal.

Imaginative – is a person who shows creativeness and inventive. A person who has an ability to develop a unique solution to a problem. Such people come up with good stories or songs.

Impartial – A person who is impartial treats everyone equally. They give a fairly equal solution rather than taking sides.

Ingenious – A person who is clever and intelligent. It cannot be deemed as higher level of intelligence but termed as clever. These people show an unusual aptitude for discovering.

Irritable – A person is termed irritable when their temper is easily disturbed. They can be easily annoyed or made angry.

Irresponsible – A person is termed irresponsible when he/ she does not show any sign of being responsible. They always forget to do what I is entrusted upon them .

Insecure – A person who is insecure would mean that someone who is not confident . They would not feel good about themselves and would rather feel sorry when others look at them.

Impatient– People who are impatient have the tendency to be easily annoyed and disturbed. They usually cannot tolerate any delay .

Let’s meet again tomorrow for a new set of traits.

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#BlogchatterA2Z H what to and what not to teach your toddler

We’re into the eighth alphabet. It’s just so quick we got to here. H has a lot of good attributes.

What to teach

Humble – Being humble is being modest of one’s importance. They believe they aren’t proud of better than people. They are usually observed go patient in actions and aren’t irritated with others action. They handle stress better and have high tolerance levels.

Hardworking – A person who is hardworking is someone puts in a lot of energy and effort to achieve something. Hardworking people are more dedicated, determined and disciplined.

Honest – Being honest is when someone is true to his words. They are sincere in their efforts. It is about being true to oneself and also to others. It can be taught not all of a sudden but gradually over a period of time.

Humanitarian – A person described as humanitarian is usually concerned about an improvement in human welfare. They focus on protecting human dignity.

Helpful – A person is termed helpful when they are always ready to offer assistance. They are ready to help others and do not think over the results but mainly focus on helping.

What not to teach

Hysteric – Being hysterical is when someone has uncontrollable temper. It is a state of extreme fear and anxiety.

Hypocrite – A person who has certain beliefs and feelings when they actually don’t.

Hardmouthed – A person who is hard mouthed is someone who is stubborn. They don’t respond to you in a satisfactory way. They are usually characterised by rigid behaviour.

Haphazard – Would mean not doing things in an orderly fashion. Person doing things in a haphazard manner is usually not in good books. They don’t have a plan and do things in a random fashion.

Hasty – A person described as hasty always does things in a hurried manner. They make quick decisions without giving much thought and insufficient consideration.

Heartless – A person is described as heartless when they have complete lack of empathy or consideration to human feelings. It is one of the terrible attitudes one could develop as a human.

Let’s meet tomorrow for traits in I.

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#BlogchatterA2Z G what to and what not to teach your toddler

Let’s learn about the traits in G. G has a lot of good traits and let’s take a look the most important ones we need to concentrate.

What to teach

Generous – Being generous is the readiness to offer more . A person being generous would be selfless about offering. They would be willing to give and share unsparingly.

Generalist – Someone who is well versed in all fields. The knowledge and the skill they possess could be applied to all fields.

Grateful – Being grateful is being appreciative of receiving or for something done. It is a feeling of thankfullness for what is received.

Green thumbed – Someone who has excellent skills of gardening. Gardening I feel is a great hobby and a good stress reliever. My mom is green thumbed and I love her fascination towards plants and would love of my children take them over.

What not to teach

Gormless – Would mean lacking sense is behaving foolish. They usually don’t understand things well.

Graceless – This would describe a person with impolite behaviour. They behave in an awkward and uncoordinated manner.

Grumpy – Being grumpy is a person who is always ill-tempered and irritable. They always aren’t satisfied, unhappy and keep complaining .

Green-eyed – Someone who is jealous and envious. They are usually jealous of someone else’s success. Usually referred as a metaphor,green eyed monster.

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#BlogchatterA2Z F – What to and what not to teach your toddler

Let’s learn about the F words that we should teach and the ones we shouldn’t. No wide eyes or raised eyebrows. I’m talking about the characteristic traits we should be teaching our toddlers.

What should you teach

Faithful – A person who is faithful is normally described as someone whom you can rely upon. Somebody who is true to their promises and their word . They keep up to what they say.

Fearless – fearless would mean lack of fear. It’s the inner feeling that makes you take one more step when you fall down. That feeling of not getting dejected after falling and makes you want to try.

Flexible – Being flexible is not being rigid or stubborn but would be a person who can accept changes.

Forgiving – Forgiving is when someone is ready and willing to forego ones mistake. It helps us grow as an individual and it’s best for us not to hold on to bigger experience, anger, hurt.

Forthright – Being forthright is a person when being direct spoken and being Frank. The person is not shy to speak out what they actually mean.

Forward looking – is the person who thinks of future opportunities or development. Somebody who is courageous and bold enough to take decisions in lieu of future opportunities.

What not to teach

Faint hearted – faint hearted is someone who is fearful and afraid. This person could be easily scared and is usually timid natured. They aren’t brave and would venture unnecessary risks.

Fallacious – This would be talking based in less known information or something based on no logic. A false conclusion that is being conveyed based on improper information.

Fussy – Someone who is hard to please and has too many needs or requirements even for small things. They demand too much attention , worry about unnecessary things and complains a lot.

Let’s meet tomorrow for what we learn in G.