mental health talks – That Madras Mom

February 24, 2022February 24, 2022

Dealing with the loss of a loved one

Losing a loved one can make your shatter like the sky coming down on you. Grieving is a natural response to loss, many of us fail to understand how it can affect lives.

The loss of a loved one can make irreparable damage to what we say the foundations of our lives. This damage is prone to affecting both the mins and body.

Preoccupied with thoughts, memories and images of the loved one, having difficulty in accepting the reality that they’re gone, waves of sadness and yearning about them is all part of the grieving process.

It’s been six months since my mom passed away, but i still find it difficult to come to terms that she’s gone. Waiting for her to open the door while I knock, checking on me if I had my meal not just once every meal of the day, checking if I’ve taken medicines, that tender love and care when I’m sick, those gossips during coffee, lying down on the lap, falling asleep on her shoulders during TV time is all something that I yearn for now.

I know that won’t happen now, but still my heart fails to accept and makes me ask the supreme ‘ please just one more time’. There are days I feel absolutely normal, and days I cry like a baby. Not just a metaphor I really do. Somedays I find it very difficult.

My sleep cycle has gone for a toss. Blame my photographic memory, not sure if it’s a boon or a bane, I keep getting visuals of mom’s last few days with me on repeat. Which makes me not shut my eyes. But there are days I fall asleep unknowingly.

I am still trying my best to deal with her loss. Began to focus on reading how to process grief and deal with it. I thought why not share it here, might help someone who is on the same phase like me.

Grief can be classified into acute and persistent grief.

The first six to twelve months after the loss of someone we experience acute grief.

If it lasts over 12 months, it is termed persistent grief.

Chronic stress is commonly experienced during acute grief, it can lead to a lot of physical and emotional issues like anger, anxiety, pains, sleep issues amd depression. But if the person is old these signs shouldn’t be ignored.

People with persistent grief need to take therapy or counselling to deal with it by taking up cognitive behavioral therapy. But for acute grief there are certain ways that can help you ease.

Take new responsibility

Losing a loved one will also lead to you taking up new responsibility. Say like cooking, households chores. This can probably add to your stress but can be a mood uplifted experience if you take it in a positive way. Focusing on task can help you divert from grief.

Healthy diet

When you are under stress it acts as a trigger and makes you crave sugar and fat. Feel good, high calorie and high fat foods is what people reach out to make them feel better. But it can worsen your condition. Planning to take a well balanced diet will definitely help you maintain good health.

Sleep cycle

When you deal with grief your sleep cycles get affected. You might find it difficult to fall asleep, wake up a number of times and not having sound sleep. But following a sleep routine on a regular basis , avoiding screens close to bed time, avoiding caffeine and alcohol can help for a sound sleep.

Move your body

A daily walk can help in easing depression, agitation and sorrow related to grief. We find ourselves less motivated to go and workout. In that case a workout partner or a group ca help you sort this out.

Look after your health

Our general health gets ignored when we are going through grief. But dont take it lightly. Set reminders for any tests that you should be taking, tablets or medications. A little help from a family member to remind you doesn’t hurt.

Reach out to people

It’s most painful to see people and the outside world but also important to not miss the connections. This would serve as a reminder that you are not alone and when you feel isolated you have family and friends to help you out and be the supportive hand. Go out for a coffee, invite people for lunch. If not be in touch with someone over mail Or call.

Grief affects mental and physical health to a great extent. Reaching out to help and help make a betterment in your mental health is not something to feel shy or to be hesitant to ask of.

This post is part of Blogchatter’s CauseAChatter.”

This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva andNoor Anand Chawla.’

August 31, 2021

Nature’s role in healing mental health

Nature can play a major role to leave a profound effect or impact on our brain. This in turn influences our behaviour helping us to alleviate stress and anxiety. Increase in attention , creative thinking and social connections are also being observed as nature’s touch to leeaad a good mental health. We’re still in the beginning stage to find more and more evidences to prove the above.

Nature helps to heal

Spending time in a greener and nature dense environment had its effects on improving self-esteem and alleviating depressive symptoms on those suffering from mental health issues.

Not only improvisation of mental health but also significant progres in physical well-being, reduction in muscle tension, heart rate and blood pressure is also observed to be some of the benefits to indulge in nature therapy.

The multiple incoming sensory signals is caused by soothing effect of nature. Lush greenery, mild natural sounds and nice fragrance also have their place in contributing to good mental health. The sight of flowers or even the scent of roses can leave a relaxed effect.

There are numerous ways to enjoy nature right from the comfort of your home. Tending a garden, working from the outdoors, meditation outdoors than doing them inside is a great change. Working or doing your daily tasks with natural light from the sun and sky is also a great way to enjoy nature indoors.

The sight of an unpleasant environment on the other hand can reverse the healing effect. Regardless of age people find nature to be soothing and pleasing. ‘ Healing Gardens ‘ is a book that cites over two-thirds of people choose natural sights to resort to when being stressed.

A recent research also proves that having a small plant indoors in offices, hospitals and at work or school can have an lessening effect on stress and anxiety.

Nature’s help in soothing

In addition to above effects of nature to heal we often resort to nature when experiencing pain and discomfort.

Our bodies are genetically engineered to look out for trees, water and natural elements and when we absorb the natural scenes we get distracted from pain and discomfort.

This was evidently seen when two sets of people post surgery where made to stay in rooms facing trees and the other group facing wall. It was fascinating to know people who see natural scenary showed better pain management than people who were made to see the wall.

Nature helps in restoring

Nature also helps to aid better general wellbeing. Almost 95% of people would assure that they felt relieved from being depressed or stressed after spending time outdoors. It also helps calm anxious mind keeping it more balanced.When you’re in a positive mood and good psychological well-being it in turn improves vitality and meaningfulness.
The ability to stay more focused or pay attention also improves when we spend time looking at nature. Nature is inherently interesting to us humans that we tend to focus naturally on what we are currently experiencing. So this serves to calm down the overactive mind and keep it refreshed for the upcoming tasks.

Research also shows that children with ADHD shower improved attention span after spending time in nature.

Nature helps in making connections

When people spend time in nature it helps them connect to one another and also to the world outside.It is also said that people who surrounded their houses with trees and greenery ended up knowing more people,have more concern with helping out each other and have strong sense of belonging than tenants who do not have trees around. They also have increased feelings unity towards their neighbours.

These people show better capacity to deal with life demands ,less violence and aggression between domestic partners.

When brain activity during nature exposure is studied it was evident that the parts of brain that are associated with empathy and love lit up and it ignited the fear and anxiety in urban scenaries.

Deadly screen time

Too much of time spent before screens lacking time to enjoy nature is said to increase depressive symptoms and isolation. In the worst case it can also lead to loss of empathy and altruism.

Nurture children with nature

So it is advisable if we bring up the younger generation to spend very less time in front of the screen and to engage with nature. They could take a walk around the block, read by the window or play outdoor games.

This post is part of blogchatter’s #causeachatter.

January 30, 2021January 30, 2021

Do you blame others? – Read this to take care

Mental health can not only be at stake when you pipe things up on your mind about yourself or at behaviour people exert on you .

Did you know that your way of thinking about others can also cause issues to your mental health. Yes by this, I mean pointing out at others.

While there are people who only think about themselves, there is another category that people fall into that’s much more dangerous. Some people can’t be or cannot keep quiet without pointing fingers at others or blaming others. They fail to notice that it is only one of their fingers that points to the other person and the remaining point to them.

This way of pointing out is not only for things that happen to you, but even otherwise they are habituated to pointing out at people’s mistake or at how stupid they can be.

It’s a habit that can ruin yourself where people bother you easily which puts you in a situation where you can’t stop from sharing your thoughts of judgement. Most importantly it could be happening even without you knowing about it. Doesn’t it sound dangerous?

But the good news would be that once you realise or if somebody helps you understand what’s actually happening by making you pay the price for the self-harm that you have created it can definitely be avoided. Now that’s something you could be relieved of.

Why is pointing out at others put you in serious risk?

Peaks the negativity in your body and kills the cells.
People can’t get close to you because this behaviour of yours is turning them off.
The behaviour inadvertently creates and perpetuates depression.
Definitely starts limiting your happiness.
Creates a band of negative energy around you and name you as a negative energy radiator.
Will be a hurdle in your important relationships and isolates you.

Our way of upbringing or the way we are brought up definitely contributes to our sensitivities. Finally it all comes down to whether we have a monitor system to make you aware of how and when you share what bothers you about people around you.

Quite often if you see the prime candidates list who take the blame would be the kids, parents, spouse and friends.

Blaming your husband for not being outgoing and that bothering your social life.

Blaming kids behaviour for not inviting guests at home.

Blaming relatives for relationship issues and your perspective of viewing a relationship as healthy.

The ones I stated above are just some of the examples.

It could be really tempting to go blame others , your habits , thinking habits for things going wrong in your life. But that’s definitely not leading you to the root cause of the problem.

Blaming others for emotional and mental issues can make you rely on the habit to such an extent that it is the permanent pathway to sabotage the ability of you keeping yourself and others who surround you happy.

Your aversion or pet peeves provide the pathway of how to interpret to see the world and something that you use to look through other people’s action.

So when you’re in a group and you have the habit of blaming others, I’d bet you would be the most unhappiest person in the whole group. The habit typically makes you a fault finding radar and literally pushes you to keep finding faults on others.

Why does this habit make you unhappy ?

Insecurities

Most probably people are seen pointing out faults in which they’ve struggled during childhood. It totally points to insecurity of things that people find faults in others. A person who finds faults constantly is characterized as someone who finds it difficult to apologize and denial of responsibility.

It leads to negative and pessimistic environment around you. Instead of focusing on people’s good deeds you seem to find faults. So this is something like instead of proceeding to solutions you choose to stay with the problem.

Memories of influential parents

If you make people recall they would have inherited this behaviour from their parents or a close relative. A resentment towards this parent or relative who was critical on them often shows up in this behaviour.

Instead of working on ways to curb this negative behaviour in present scenario, this will make you stay in the past.

Makes feel superior but brings unhappiness instantly

When people find faults with others or point fingers at others it gives them a rush or a feeling of superiority. But with minutes you can notice that it changes the mood to unhappiness instantly.

“Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.”

Leads to depression

It takes very little time for you to spoil your mood if you keep finding faults in others. Self – devaluation or finding faults on others can lead to depression.

How do you solve this ?

Start pointing out the goodness in people or their deeds even if it’s something small.
The more you do invest in recognising others you could also see an improvement in self recognition.
Having difficulty in apologising cannot be wiped out in seconds, it takes a lot of effort to understand that it could be a way of clearing out the mass.
Make sure you avoid to show people how you inherited the tendency to judge other people and their actions.
Create an imaginary filter that helps to separate what to express and what not to.

“If you don’t have something nice to say, keep it to yourself.”

Too much bothering or finding fault in others problems or issues is definitely a sign that you definitely need to spend more time on doing what you need to achieve. This may be your goals to achieve personal growth.
Make a list of things every morning that you’re grateful for.
This habit in the long run might be Blogchattereating you bit by bit. So it’s better to avoid it to keep yourself and your body safe.

This post is part of #CauseAChatter with Blogchatter’