daughter – That Madras Mom

“I am a good Mother; I do my best as a Mother.

Each day I am getting better, life can’t get any better.”

Mom and daughter

This is my mantra these days. I keep saying this to myself. No, I am not under any pressure or depressed.

Repeating this gives me a boost; a sense of accomplishment and gives me a push to go that extra mile and do whatever it takes to keep my daughter happy.

A great start for the day is a lovable hug when she’s up. Though I am up early, (okay let’s say just a couple of minutes or rarely hours), before her, that wait for her hug is so special.

When there are so many things running in your mind and your running here and there, that monosyllable “MAA” from her makes me forget everything.

Mom and daughter

Though I get angry with things lying around, after she’s left at my mom’s place in the morning I do enjoy replaying stuff in my mind- the tiny blocks or alphabet chunks lying around, the vessels and Tupperware boxes misplaced, that cute teddy inside my coffee filter. All these make me forget that this is part of a household chore that I am doing.

Those teeny tiny hands mixing an empty bowl with spoon and feeding you, pulling your hair is all instances that need to linger around in mind always.

Even if you try concentrating hard at work, a corner of your mind just keeps thinking that she is okay. Those blank phone calls or the beep beep sounds from the keypad when you call her is all a bliss.

When you reach home and you know she is there waiting for you, and watch her eyes glow in excitement on seeing you makes you the happiest person in the word.

Listening to her stories of what she did throughout the day (okay technically not stories) I mean even if it is gibberish, it’s good to hear.

Cuddling her, getting her dressed to bed, making her sleep and falling asleep with her is indeed the best way to end my day. And so the next day starts, yes with the same mantra.

“I am a good Mother; I do my best as a Mother.

Each day I am getting better, life can’t get any better.”

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Dear Cheeni,

Even before I knew you were coming I named you, my little angel. I found a new reason for my existence when I saw those two pink lines. We (your Dad and I) fell in love within seconds listening to the magical sound of your heartbeat. I thought it was a myth to identify gender based on heart rate, but I knew it was you, my special rainbow baby.

I knew it from those constant kicks and strokes you gave me while you grew inside me. They were such a gift, a signal that you were alive and growing. The times I sing to you and read out to you when I was alone, I felt a strong connection. Those moments of acknowledgement when I talk to you, the signs of reciprocation kept me going even when I was tired or feeling low. Even today I try holding on to what it felt like to have you kicking and stretching the limbs of your tiny body inside my body, safe and sound. These are moments etched in memory for lifetime.

I wasn’t the only person counting down to your arrival. No words to express the excitement of your Grandparents (all four of them) and both aunts as I was nearing my due date. You see, you are their first grandchild and their first niece. The countless number of phone calls showing that they can’t stop talking about you, to see if it’s time. I really feel so blessed to see how many people love you.

I was so eager to be the mom you so deserve. Disclaimer: I may not get it right at first, but I promise to try my very best and I promise to love you unconditionally until my last breath on earth.

I celebrated my first Mother’s Day with you, my baby. I feel this irresistible need to tell you some things about what it means to me to be your mother. So exciting that I now have a girl of my own who will wish me “happy mother’s day”. Now that’s a change from me wishing my mom and all elder woman in family.

I replay the first moment I saw you, at times when I try sleeping at night. The first eye contact I had with you on the labor bed, when the nurse gave you to me, by placing you on my chest. That moment of relief, happiness, pain all at the same time.

And What about your Dad? You are so lucky to have him of course. I have never doubted his ability to make a fantastic father. And now I know you will be the girl(second) who ultimately melts his heart with just one look.

You’ve had such an intense impact on our existence here. And now, you will become the best and worst parts of us.

You have my eyes, and your dad’s hair, my round cheeks and his long fingers, but you are unique.

And destiny will tell us if you are as bold as him or as quiet as me. We have so much ahead of us.

You are a daddy’s daughter too but sometimes the feel that you’re all mine at least secretly gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment. He does travel along for the ride but you and me… We’ve got a special thing going.

There would be times where it gets tough, but I do know that we can get through tough times, and I want you to know that I’m always trying my best. I want to be a good mother and I’ll try my best to do what’s right for you.

All I would wish for you is to Create a life that gives YOU happiness. Nothing would make me prouder.

You will have plenty of days to thank me, but I would thank you on every Mother’s day for making me a mom and I am so happy to be yours.

I can strongly say there is no word in English language that sounds as delightful to a woman as the word, “Mom.” God must have coined it after a long thought. One shout out of the word “Mom!” — every woman turns her head. And that is how special it is to be a mother.

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