Good and bad. How to teach your kids to make good choices. Observe, think and decide.

Do we know that telling a child “to make positive or good choices” has an important part to play in molding the behavior.

Such challenging behaviors like the one above make parents struggle on a day-to-day basis.

Making good choices could be compared to learning how to tie shoes for your kids; this skill would develop progressively over time as they mature. Children need a lot of molding and support when it comes to learning how to make good choices. They don’t mean to make bad choices; they just need more practice and support in making good ones.

Part of raising kids is preparing them for the world and life on their own by preparing them with the skills necessary to both succeed and cope with failures.

The real world we live in is full of disappointment, consequences, hearing a no, and doing things I would rather not. That’s how life is. Therefore, preparing my child with the means to handle all that is important. Therefore, to inspire my daughter’s independence and to nurture her emotional intelligence, I want to parent her in a way that she knows she is loved and I believe in her, but that she also knows what it’s like to fail or to make the wrong decision.

“Failure is not fatal”. People know me as a perfectionist, to me it felt like mistakes were killing me from the inside. Honestly, I have never emotionally conquered the concept of failure; even small mess ups sometimes feel like the end of the world to me. I waver in my own decision making very often because I do not like living with even the small consequences.

Teaching your child to make choices is one of the most important elements of raising a well-behaved child.

From big choices (“Should I opt for high profile PR job and move to abroad or stay home to take care of the kids?”) to little choices (“Dessert or salad?”), every decision we make has complications.

Being self-disciplined is understanding and taking responsibility for making life’s choices. A major part of parenting well is to help your child learn the challenging skill of making positive, suitable choices. A gain of sense control over own life is gained by a child, when he/she is skilled at consciously making choices will understand their own needs. Choice-making also helps teach internal discipline, organization, and prioritizing. Children learn how to make big choices by watching you do it, and by gaining experience through making little choices.

Teaching choice to your child: TIPS

  • Never give a choice you aren’t willing to follow through on. That means when you say, “Either you tidy your room or we are not going out to eat,” you should be prepared to start cooking. It also means if you say, “Tidy your room and I’ll take you to a posh restaurant in town,” you need to be prepared make reservations.
  • It’s your responsibility to keep your child safe and healthy. Keep food choices healthy, and allow your child to choose what to eat. If your kid chooses to eat only cookies and dessert, stop having them as a choice.
  • Unless your child is very skilled at choice-making and your budget is unlimited, never offer choices without restrictions. Give them an “either/or” if they are young.
  • When a child is making choices about her behavior, you can point out the choice and the consequences of it.
  • Older children can use choices to learn how to prioritize
  • Once a child makes a choice, lay off on the options, don’t continue to offer choices.
  • Once a choice has been made, be clear as to when it becomes final.

What if the child does not like the choice made?

This is hard for a strong, reasonable parent to watch. Nobody enjoys watching a child be disappointed. But making a choice necessitates learning to live with the choice that’s been made. Disappointment is a good teaching tool, and discipline is teaching.

Teaching consequences of choice that was made

  • When she experiences failure or disappointment, she has to handle it with stability and not feel like it’s the end of the world.
  • When her friends are doing something that she feels is not right, she will not blindly follow, but she will have the anticipation to see what consequence may be ahead of her.
  • When she has a decision that did not turned out as planned, she would have emotional stamina to pull herself up and not feel defeated.
  • When she is faced with defending what she believes and her faith she will not hesitate or be embarrassed in any circumstance.
  • When she experiences rejection, she knows that was not her choice and it will just stimulate her to be even better and more assertive.

The book Teaching with love and logic by Jim Fay and David Funk is beautifully written about how to empower children and help them learn how to make good choices. Creating stronger relationships with students can lead to more cooperation is one major take away from this book.

Basically, Love and Logic shows you how to avoid power struggles and offer choices to children. Instead of controlling children’s behavior and making all their choices for them, it empowers children to make their own choices. When children feel empowered they learn more. They learn more because less time is spent trying to control their behavior.

Enforceable statements are invites instead of demands. When you demand that a child does something they may refuse because they feel controlled, but when you invite them to do something they are much more likely to do it.

When kids don’t make good choices:

  • Avoid making demands
  • Avoid making threats
  • Avoid power struggles
  • Offer them choices
  • Use logical consequences

So mommies let us raise a child who is independent to make good choices and live happily because of it.

Are you still breastfeeding ? When to start with BLW ??

Hello Mommies,

March 13 2017 was the day I met my little angel who gave me a second life. The labor and delivery was a scintillating experience for me as a first time mommy. All throughout my pregnancy, I constantly kept myself occupied reading about the various ways people enjoyed being pregnant. I followed fellow blogger mommies who had different views on everything relating to pregnancy. Right from the tests, scan, food, workouts, and leisure time; my choices were abundant and I had plenty to choice from.

But, the one thing that was constantly running in my subconscious mind- VAGINAL DELIVERY and BREASTFEEDING.

That is also the time I started reading about breastfeeding. I also got to know there were classes for learning about various positions to feed the baby and that can be taken even before the delivery. There are also few hospitals who offer this as part of their package to expecting clients. Well, living in the 21st century, this is not something to be surprised of. This would not have been possible for our ancestors- say even our moms.

When I told my mom about this, she found it interesting and gave me a go ahead. Though we do have the elders guiding us through their experiences, they still agree on things like these.

A breastfeeding class can introduce us to some of the different positions and offer some reassurance that breastfeeding is not something that’s going to happen immediately. Baby and us are both going to need some time to get the hang of it.

The ‘Womanly Art of Breastfeeding’ is a wonderful book to start with, in case you do not have time to attend to classes.

These classes teach us about the different latches, feeding cues, and stomach size.

It is very important to get the first latch properly. This is done immediately in the labor room. My God, I really felt I was in heaven when I felt her lips. What more does a mother want?

And ladies, in case you are attending the classes birthing/ breastfeeding don’t forget to take your husbands. It is extremely necessary they accompany us, not just as moral support, but to get to know and be supportive.

I initially had little struggles with making my daughter feed, I was very worried about it. But, I did not give up. The main thing to focus during this time is not to fall into depression and not to lose hope. I strongly kept saying within me that I can feed my baby, I can satisfy her hunger needs, and I can do it. This positive vibe really did wonders, and slowly I starting seeing changes and feeding time became relaxing for both, me and my baby. Feeding with keeping the baby in the baby carrier was another blessing in this era. Though feeding in public is still a big “WHAT THE” in this society making a lot of heads turn, the carrier made it easier.

As the months passed, I noticed that she needed much more than only milk. That is when I decided to wean. I started with porridge and fruit purees. She had an instant liking. We can start this once the head gets the support and the baby can balance the head-neck. Apple purees, finger millet, and rice porridge were becoming her favourites.

SO, what is BLW or baby led weaning then?

We can start letting the baby taste and feel the textures by giving them small portions. Self-feeding improves hand-eye coordination. Baby learns to swallow, lick, and chew. Once the baby starts sprouting the first tooth, we can offer finger foods like carrots and beans. Take care to not feed nuts/peanuts as it may lead to choking.

Eating with the family is a great practice that can be cultivated as early as 8 months. The baby can watch others eat, so that they get to learn what and how.

And ladies, you can still continue breast feeding until the child is one. Nobody can stop you from that!

Related read : Baby led weaning.

World book Day challenge prompt 7 : Colours or Rainbow

The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.”~ Dr. Seuss

T

here are many little ways to enlarge your child’s world. Love of books is the best of all.
~ Jacqueline Kennedy

Posting for #worldbookdaychallenge day 6 prompt colors/ rainbow.
Recognition of colors can provide children with essential learning tools in life. As kids learn to identify colours and use colour as a language tool to describe things, it develops and strengthens their ability to communicate effectively.
Teaching our child about colour (hurs, shades and tones) we will also be helping them to use colour as a means of creative expression in all aspects of life.
They will learn to use colour as a visual cue to identify danger (red) and distinguish hot from cold.
The books I chose for this prompt and the ones I used to teach colors to Cheeni are @ericcarl my first book of colors , @prathambooks colors of nature and look and learn colors of creative publications.
These books have beautiful illustrations for each color so that it is easier for the child to grasp.
Cheeni now identifies few colours like blue and red.
My first book of colors is a mix and match book where we could mix and match colors and the objects.